Tops and bottoms, Dominants and submissives, Masters and slaves

A large number of gay couples these days are involved in Domination and submission as part of their relationship. One partner takes on the role of the Dominant and this role is often called, Master. The other partner who takes on the role of submissive is sometimes called a slave.

Sometimes the relationship will be more as a top and bottom then an actual Master and slave relationship. The submissive is often the bottom in all areas of the relationship, especially sexually. A Master may take on several submissives in a relationship to form a slave stable.

Maintaining a slave stable of several slaves takes a very experienced Master. Some slave stables may number as high as twenty depending on the Master. It is important that the Master maintains strict discipline and control over all the slaves in the stable.

For some men being a Master is a lifestyle. Other men may decide that being a Master is more a role play scenario they may do from time to time. There is much to learn about being a Master and the skills involved in training slaves. Some men are natural born Masters while other men need time to learn how to be a Master. Even some men start off as a slave before becoming a Master.

Some men choose the role of serving as a submissive in a relationship because they feel this is their life destiny. An obedient well trained submissive is hard to find. Obedience is an important part of the relationship and most submissive men will understand that. A submissive also understands that his Master will discipline him when it is required. The type of discipline will depend on the Master and what he feels is best.

Many couples involved in a Master and slave relationship also enjoy cuckolding. Cuckolding can give the relationship a great boost and deliver satisfaction to both partners. Many submissive men understand that cuckolding will often be a part of the relationship at some stage in the future. If you have not tried cuckolding before it may be a good idea to talk about this and see if it is something you want in your relationship.

If you have never tried a relationship involving Dominant and submission before then it is a good idea to start off slow. Talk to other people with more experience and learn as you go. Finding a mentor is a good idea as is joining a local group.

For submissive men becoming a lave and being offered the honor to serve a Master can be the pinnacle of their existence. It can be the most pleasurable, fulfilling role theyíve ever taken on, and it can allow them to feel wholly alive and vibrant in a way no other experience ever could. But as with anything, when first starting on a new journey, there are bound to be bumps and bruises along the way. Many slaves find the transition into full≠time service to be somewhat difficult, but if you are prepared and know what to expect, it can be a wonderful, exciting process.

Much like fresh recruits must go through Boot Camp to become fully fledged, many Masters will often start the slaveís service with a period of super intense training meant to show their dominance and also teach the slave exactly what is expected of them. If there are other slaves in the home, they may also be less welcoming and more demanding to the new slave when the service first starts. This process is meant to ensure the slave is fully committed and ready to obey throughout the period of service. New slaves must realize that this process is a very real possibility, and while it can be extremely demanding and overwhelming, if they stay strong and fully submit, they will end up as much more obedient, loyal and useful slaves to their Masters.

New slaves may also find that very quickly they are put in situations far beyond their limits, either during scenes and BDSM play or just within the demands the Master hands down. Many slaves break at this point and want out, fearing that they are taking on too much or being pushed too far past their limits. But new slaves especially need to realize that their Masters are just as engaged in the relationship as they are, even if they seem aloof. Masters truly love and care for their slaves, and while they will push them past what they thought their limits were, they do this out of love and compassion and would not let real, permanent physical or emotional damage occur. Slaves need to trust the training they are getting from their Masters and realize it comes from the Master wanting to help and better the slave as a submissive person.

Finally, many new slaves are so overwhelmed by the new experiences and new emotions that they forget to enjoy the experience. Slaves are often people that have had submissive tendencies for years, but are just now embarking on a journey to indulge them fully. When the situation gets tough as a new slave, the slave must simply remember how strongly they desired this level of submission, and they need to enjoy the resulting emotions and sensations. When the Master rewards you, relish in the pride. When youíre allowed to flow freely into sub≠space after a scene, fully embrace those emotions. If slaves focus on the rewards and the emotions that guided them to this situation in the first place, they will find that they are exactly where they need to be, and will start to fully enjoy the choice that they made to serve.

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The Master/slave relationship is one of the most common, most desired relationships in BDSM. There are many iterations of this relationship, from a single Master with their dedicated slave to a Master with multiple slaves that serve him collectively as a group. This group setting creates a unique dynamic to the Master/slave relationship, and can be an exciting and electric new way to experience BDSM. But having a household filled wit multiple slaves, or a slave stable, can present its own challenges. There are many dynamic factors at work, and a Master of a slave stable must work hard to maintain the group so that it remains a fun, exciting experience for everyone involved.

Before a Master can take on multiple slaves, they must thoroughly consider the type of atmosphere and environment they wish to host for their stable. Is it going to be a collective group of slaves that work together, play together and are punished together, or a group of individuals serving different needs of the Master and treated as individuals. Either situation can work well for the Master, but itís best to make this distinction clear before taking on multiple slaves. It can alleviate tensions and clarify expectations up front, preventing slaves from leaving the stable due to unfulfilled desires.

Masters must also consider the emotional demands of multiple slaves. Many of the emotional reaction that occur within this type of relationship are strong, cathartic and soul deep, that is what draws people to this lifestyle. But that can be draining over time. Masters must carefully consider how much emotional drain each slave will place upon them, and let that guide their decision to add slaves to the stable. Slaveís emotions should also be carefully considered, and each slave must fully understand that they are going to be part of a group environment that may force them to deal with the emotional reactions of others. Some slaves will find this comforting and will be attracted to the support of having others like them around, while others wonít be able to handle not being in the spotlight of their Masterís affection.

Some Masters choose to deal with the relationships between their slaves by appointing Alpha Slaves and denoting rank among the slaves, that way each slave knows their exact place in the hierarchy of the stable. Many Masters finds that this reduces tensions among slaves and allows them to fully integrate into the slave stable lifestyle more easily. It can also provide slaves with incentives to work harder in their training and become more obedient as they hope to move higher up the ladder of the stable.

Each slave stable is different and is based on the needs and desires of the Masters. But all successful slave stables are run with an organized plan and an attention to the needs and emotional desires of the slaves involved in the household. When the Master takes the time to think through the relationships, to plan and engage each slave and provide for them an environment in which they can thrive, the stable will succeed and lead to a fun, exciting new way to experience BDSM.

In the BDSM world, Master and slave relationships are common. Many people fulfill their deep seeded desires to either control or submit by accepting one of these roles. From the outside world, it may look like a very simple, very basic relationship, but in reality, the Master and slave relationship is complex, intense and extremely dynamic. Many Masters and slaves find that the complex emotional ties they have with their partner to be more binding than vanilla relationships, and this too fulfills their innermost desires. But what makes the Master and slave relationship so dynamic and complex?

It may appear that a Master is simply in love with power and a slave with being controlled, but that is simply not the case. For the Master, there is the love of power, the need to control and the desire to take command of their slave, but thatís just the very beginning. Masters, while they demand the slave fill their needs completely and fully, are actually quite emotionally invested in the slave. They find great pride in helping the slave to achieve success and fulfillment through this relationship. They also find joy in pushing the slaves to their very limits, allowing them to grow and excel in ways they never thought possible. Masters must always have the slaveís best interests at heart, and even though they may punish, humiliate or otherwise seem to torment and control their slave, they do it out of a place of deep love and respect.

For the slave, serving a Master, making their wishes and dreams come true and being able to completely and utterly please them, brings them a great sense of joy and happiness. But being a slave also allows them to trust their Master completely in a way that no vanilla relationship ever could. Slaves desire that feeling of being pushed past their limits by a person that can take them to that place safely. And while they may physically enjoy the sensations of discipline, they are drawn to the emotional relationship they build with their Master when they are placed in these delicate situations.

Master/slave relationships contain very emotionally demanding, overwhelmingly powerful situations. Both parties find that the emotions raised during discipline and play sessions not only change their own lives, they change and strengthen the bond between the slave and their Master. This makes the relationship more intense and equal than any other relationship they have experienced before, and in a way, makes each person more equal to one another than their roles would suggest. It is a dynamic, complex relationship, and many people are drawn to the lifestyle more for the intensity and security of this bond that forms between Master and slave than for the ability to simply dominate or submit, and this is why the Master/slave relationship is one of the most common, most pervasive arrangements in the BDSM community.

In the BDSM community, Dominant men that allow other submissives to serve them are called Masters. Their submissive servants dedicate their entire lives to serving this Dominant man, and he in turn guides them and directs them with a firm hand. Masters, however, are a special breed. It not only takes a domineering personality and the desire to be in control of a household, it takes passion, compassion and drive to hold together the special relationship that exists between Master and slave. Masters that are strictly commanding donít often succeed in creating an ideal lifestyle for their slaves, there needs to be a much deeper level of commitment and understanding. Yes, there needs to be that desire to lead, to control, to dominate, but if those are the only qualities a man possesses, he may not make the best Master.

A good Master will possess qualities that allow him to lead others effortlessly. Natural leaders are often charismatic, driven, organized and outgoing, and they also operate with a high level of integrity. They do the right thing, they make the right choices, even when itís hard to do so. When others see this high level of integrity, they automatically trust the person, and they want to follow his lead. They want to walk in his footsteps so that they can achieve his level of success. Good leaders also have a vision and a purpose, an idea of where they are headed, how they will get there, and why theyíre moving in that direction. Good Masters do this as well, showing leadership and direction to the submissives they take on. This builds enormous amounts of trust with their charges, and submissives will flock to this type of Master, one that can definitely choose a path. Itís comforting and secure, and it lets the slaves know that they are in good hands.

While being a Master may seem like an uncaring position, especially when discipline or punishment occurs in a relationship, the best Masters come into the relationship and all the actions it entails from a place of love and compassion. They donít hurt the slave, they donít punish just for the sport of it, they do it because it is whatís right for the situation. Yes, they may enjoy the control aspect of putting someone in an uncomfortable situation, but good Masters do it because thatís what the slave needs. They understand the needs of the slave, and they want to help them move forward and push past their boundaries. Great Masters intuitively understand exactly what their slaves need, and they truly care about their well≠being and growth.

A good Master must be truly passionate about the BDSM lifestyle. They must live for the emotions, the complex relationships. The Master and slave relationship is not an easy one, and if the Master is not invested 100% into the lifestyle, it wonít work. A good Master believes in BDSM and knows that this lifestyle can bring out amazing transformations in people, allowing them to fulfill their innermost desires in a way that can make them feel complete, happy, and fulfilled, and he will work hard to bring about this fulfillment in his personal slaves. The more passionate the Master is about the lifestyle, the more fulfilled and rewarding it will be for him and his entire household.

A flexible rod, typically used for corporal punishment. A Switch is most effective when it is made of a strong but flexible type of wood.

Spanking Paddle
An implement used to strike a person on the buttocks. The act of striking a person with a paddle is known as, paddling.

Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part.

Butt Plug
Much like a dildo, but pear-shaped with a flared base.

Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.

Person who enjoys inflicting pain.

Tease and Denial
Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing in order to keep them in a continual state of sensitivity.

Orgasm Denial
A sexual practice in which a heightened state of sexual arousal is maintained for an extended length of time without orgasm.

Topping from the bottom
A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who wants to direct the top.

Wax Play
The top drips hot wax on the bottom.

BDSM Safewords
Within BDSM there is a guiding philosophy of safe, sane and consensual. The use of Safewords within BDSM is part of the safe, sane and consensual philosophy. Safewords are an important part of BDSM play and should always be used and honored at all times. The words are used by a submissive or slave communicate their physical or emotional state to a Disciplinarian. Most BDSM groups will have a standard group of safewords that everyone in the group knows and respects. Some safewords are used to communicate a willingness by the submissive to continue, but at a reduced level. Other safewords are used to stop the scene immediately. A safeword is mostly used by the submissive, but anyone else may also use it at any time. Sometimes there are different gradations of safewords. Sometimes a safeword will not be a word, but a signal. That signal may be a hand movement or something else. Everyone involved in BDSM should be encouraged to use and respect the use of safewords.

BDSM Roleplay
Role Play is a popular fetish with the BDSM and Domination and submission lifestyle. It may take on a variety of forms from Headmistress to Equestrian to stern Boss. In fact the list of activities in role play is endless. Role play mostly involves a power exchange within the content of domination and submission. The person who is in control is regarded as the dominant or top while the controlled person is called the submissive or bottom. Safewords are an important part of any role play activity. An experienced Disciplinarian will be able to guide a submissive through a role play activity. With the internet many people have have also tried various forms of role play online. It is a good idea to discuss the role play in detail before you start. Often it may takes several attempts before both are satisfied with the activity. For many role play may in some ways take part in every day life. For those involved in living the Gorean lifestyle, they make use of an entire imaginary world.

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